Inner Circle


Thursday, 23 October 2014

Dear Inner Circle,

I was sitting in my office last week with a man who has everything in the world except the love of his partner. He spat words at me that told of a time when his partner couldn’t get enough of him and how now nothing he did registered any kind of response of love or tenderness. He dreads most nights as he lays awake next to the person he loves; so close but never more alone. He is addicted to pornography. This was not a bad man, but just a man.


When the man recalled his early years of relationship, he told of how his partner came to life in his presence and was responsive to his touch. His memory was half right. He didn’t understand that the power came from his presence not from his touch. His touch never had any power except that which belongs to being in the present with another. What a powerful and common illusion! Nearly all pornography feeds off this illusion and seeing it and naming it is the path to liberation. 

Growing up is a difficult process. The man in my office was in love with his ideal partner, not the real one who shared his life. His idea exists in his own head but the real was beside him, bearing the weight of all the arrangements that life demands and even helping to raise some beautiful kids. I didn’t meet the man’s partner but I suspect love was present and shown in many ways invisible to the man himself. I asked the man if he was the person with whom his partner fell in love and if he was someone that inspired belief. He admitted that he’d become sometimes a nagger, a whinger and if anything, a recluse.

The more he relied on pornography to feed the illusion that others were turned on by mere touch and were hanging out and just waiting to be touched, the more he disengaged from life and especially from the one person he loved above all others. I didn’t tell this fellow not to watch pornography but to speak to it, declaring it to be not true but empty. No body wants to be lied to and when he sees clearly the illusion, he’ll lose interest. Being disillusioned isn’t a bad thing. Illusions serve some purpose, especially in childhood. When someone tells me that they’re disillusioned with the church or anything else, I often like to ask from which illusions they were suffering. Life is better when illusions are laid aside and life is better when women are people rather than objects. 

We’re living with a heart wrenching death of a 32 year old woman this week and we’ve had some close calls on our own property. One fellow we checked on in the shower was unconscious and purple faced when we started to work on him. I’m pleased to say that we got him off to hospital and he’s ok. It’s all in a days work for our fabulous team of people. This particular man would have come back to life to find himself looking into the face of none other than our own John. There is a lot of people who’ve been brought back to life and found themselves looking into John’s lovely face. 

On a lighter note, if you live locally and would like to join in a night of shopping and community, I am told it is Buy Nothing New Month and Wayside is hosting a Clothes Swap. I could do with swapping some clothes but pretty sure no one would want the ones I was willing to swap. The Clothes Swap is on Thursday 30th October from 6.30pm-8.30pm and you can buy tickets here. 

Thanks for being part of our inner circle,


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Be sure to follow Graham on Twitter if you have an account; @waysidepastor

Previous Inner Circles


16 October 2014: The best medicine

9 October 2014: Who would have guessed?

2 October 2014: There's no such thing as a terrorist

21 August: Saving souls

14 August: Squeaking out

7 August: A time for turning

31 July: You're okay

24 July: Happy tears

17 July: Let's aim higher

10 July: Gristle and good

3 July: The joy of not knowing

26 June: If not now, when? If not me, who?

12 June: Longing for riches

5 June: When you least expect it

22 May: Finding home

15 May: Flying

8 May: Tests, triumps and tissues

1 May: Skuse the French

24 April: Lifting the curtain

17 April: Collective love

10 April: Cardiac arrest

3 April: Awe struck

27 March: You're invited to something special

20 March: Rather a prohet than a loss

13 March: It's all happening at the wayside

6 March: Love makes all the difference

27 February: What goes around

20 February: The joy of being empty handed

13 February: Loving the growth spurts

6 February: Mighty glad to be back by the wayside

23 January: Some criminals have class

16 January: Wonderful surprises

9 January: Ready, set


19 December: Thanks for an awesome year

12 December: Mission and wishin'

5 December: The ups and downs and all is well

28 November: Kissed by the community

21 November: Our cup runneth over

14 November: A revelation from wayside

7 November: When excrement happens

31 October: I am therefore I think

24 October: We are surrounded by heroes

17 October: When you least suspect

26 September: A wayside wobbly

19 September: Knowing a gift

12 September: Advancing at the retreat

5 September: A little dose of good

29 August: Fighting with a feather

22 August: The boom is just beginning

15 August: True riches

8 August: Small is beautiful

1 August: Sensitive people miss all the best views

25 July: A whole lot going on at wayside

18 July: Kings Cross a place of courage

27 June: Holy ground

20 June: You cannot take what can only be given



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